Fluyendo

flowing

sharing the journey of the creation process with you

In December of 2022, I returned to North Carolina after 5 months traveling around Europe and Turkey. I had been living out of a tent the majority of my travels, and was exhausted, broke, and simply burnt out. I felt like I had completely depleted all of my material and emotional resources and there was nothing left to do but sit with the consequences of my choices, and slowly dig my way out. To heal and repair my nervous system. To do the difficult work I had been long avoiding — starting to create a deeper foundation of living for myself.

I have no regrets. I have learned so much about myself through living on very little. I have learned how to be adaptable and flexible in many situations. I chose adventure, my heart’s calling, many times over ‘logical’ and societal ideas of how to live life. I am grateful for my rebellious and wild spirit. However, after almost 4 years of living on a small sum of money every month, sleeping in a tent, a van, in a shed, in shacks, I realized that this cycle was ending and something in my life was calling for change. To deepen in responsibility, to hold more and create more, rather than just get by.

When I was 17 years old, I moved out of my parent’s home. I couldn’t wait to be on my own. I was in desperate need of community, healing, and finding myself. My entire late teens and early 20’s was spent living in small communities, learning how to commune with nature, how to develop a conscious awareness of my feelings and emotions, tapping into my creative path, and finding like - minded people that had world views outside of mainstream society.

To put it simply, I lived in many bubbles. Bubbles of beautiful communities, where the land and nature was abundant with clean air and water, fresh food, natural living and gentle souls.

These bubbles provided an immense sense of healing for me after many years of feeling like an outsider in emotionally toxic spaces that did not know how to care for a unique person with unique abilities.

But somewhere along the way, I was called to return to my childhood roots, and begin the work of healing my relationships with my family, with capitalistic society, with ‘babylon’, with cities, with the rest of the world that isn’t hiding away in the forest. I was being asked by spirit to confront the discomfort I felt around these places head on. I was called to humble my ego and lay down my judgements. When you live in spiritual communities isolated from the rest of society, you begin to develop a lot of prejudice, judgements, ideas, and ideology about a sort of “us versus them” mentality. I don’t think this applies to everyone of course, but it is a theme I see time and time again in small isolated communities from all walks of life. It is both beautiful and tragic. It can be immensely healing to surround yourself with like-minded people, and very much necessary, and I also see where it can begin to hinder our growth if we do not take the time to step out of our own comfortable world views, and to commune with those different than us.

I was called to return to living with my family, which I had not done since I had left at 17. I had barely stayed in my childhood home for more than a week for the last 8 years.

I am very grateful for my family. Throughout all of my life phases, my rejections of conventionality, my innate desire to rebel, my past needs for immense space and separation that certainly caused pain, they have always been there for me, supporting me, and waiting for me, for when I would return.

Fluyendo is about surrender. Flowing. Acceptance. Death. and Rebirth.

Since I have been living at home,

I am not as immersed in nature or powerful energy vortexes as I once was. I am not living in a bubble.

Often I find I dream about the mountains I used to live in for many years.

I dream about being fully bathed and immersed in nature,

I dream about when i used to be able to step out of my house and be greeted by the mountains, instead of lawn and pavement.

In my dreams I sometimes recall the times I hitchhiked on the back of trucks carrying vegetables around to different villages,

I remember the dirt on my face and the wind in my hair,

I remember the golden rod that would pop up every August and brush up against my legs as I walked out into the field to greet the earth every morning,

When I came here to be with my family, I had to surrender completely to what spirit was asking me to cultivate.

finding the flow

Fluyendo

Sometimes life requires us to surrender our preferences in order to create something deeper, something greater.

I wanted to fight this flow,

but I have found that acceptance was the only way through.

Sometimes parts of ourselves have to die for awhile, only to be reborn again from a deeper and more nourished space.

Even though I don’t feel the most wild right now, I know that my wildness will forever live within me.

Even though I am not living amongst the wilderness right now, I know that mother nature sees me and feels me still, 

She sends me signs every morning when I wake up and I see rabbits and squirrels hopping through the grass.

or when I look at the ground and notice the species of bugs wandering about,

or when I am on a walk and I stop to help a wounded butterfly cross the street.

I remember that external realities do not define who I am at my core.

They do not define any of us.

We are all beings of the earth.

It does not matter if we are living in a concrete jungle of 8 million people,

or in a cabin up on the mountain top,

We are all children of the earth.

We are all children of God.

This piece reminds us to surrender to the flow of energy that we may find ourselves in at any given moment of our lives.

Surrendering to the colors and shapes that it takes, the patterns that it creates,

For your life is a rich tapestry of many moments,

All woven together to create such a beautiful gift;

You!